Pornography: The Paper Doll Complex
At work we have a big awesome Bluetooth speaker for employee use. It is first come, first serve and I was called in early, so I took the opportunity to play my music for the first time yesterday. One of the songs that was on my playlist was “Paper Doll” by the Mills Brothers. When the song came on, one of my coworkers gave me a funny look and asked, “What is this stuff, from the 60s or something?” “I laughed and answered, “More like the 40s”.
Paper Doll is a song written in 1915 by Johnny Black and recorded in 1942 by the Mills Brothers. Here are the first few lyrics:
I'm gonna buy a Paper Doll that I can call my own
We listened to a lot of records growing up and Dad had several Mills Brothers records, which were among my favorites. So I had heard Paper Doll hundreds of times before, but for some reason it struck me differently last night. Despite being written over 100 years ago (!), Paper Doll touches upon the heart of man and is extremely relevant today, expressing one of the main reasons that so many men today are ensnared by internet pornography.
When Paper Doll came on last night, I was suddenly reminded of something I read in Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. Eldredge says that a man’s heart was made for certain things and when he cannot find them properly, he will look for them in other, illicit places. He writes:
There it is. This is precisely what is happening in Paper Doll. The man has lost his girl, and many girls before. He doesn’t feel like a man and doesn’t know how to fight for his woman. He feels emasculated and rather than risk being hurt again, he resolves to turn to an imitation. Sure, he knows it’s not the real thing, but it is safe. There is no commitment, no emotional risk, and no chance of rejection. He knows that when he comes home it will be there for him, no questions asked.
He is taking the easy way out. The paper doll will never require anything of him and he knows he doesn’t have to challenge himself to be more of a man.
The paper doll and pornography both represent comfort, a deadly and destructive comfort that tricks us into thinking we can be men without putting any work into it.
That is where my mind immediately went when I heard the song last night. But in writing, I saw many more implications.
The “Paper Doll Complex” extends to many other areas of our lives.
Take social media for instance. You can create an instant profile online and become whoever you want to be. You can post about controversial topics without having to take responsibility, you can give any impression of yourself that you want, and you can have a million “relationships” without ever doing anything that is required of real life relationships. You can turn to imitation instead of putting in the effort to build a real, concrete social circle.
Again, the Paper Doll Complex is present in family life when everyone is off, doing their own thing and not actually doing what a family is supposed to do. The family is the domestic church. It represents the sacred, intimate bond between Christ and His bride, The Church. The family is called to live the same sacred communion. But again, it is much easier to watch a movie together than to initiate a heart to heart talk with a spouse, child, sibling or parent. Watching a movie with your family is an imitation of real communion because you are doing something all together, but it requires nothing of those involved.
It is a question of intimacy. The Paper Doll Complex is a coping mechanism and a cheap imitation of communion. We all desire intimate communion with others but often do not feel capable of what it takes to achieve it.
Pornography is bad and only destroys intimacy.
Watching television with your family is not bad, nor is social media. They can, in fact supplement, or even be a means to unity provided they do not replace or diminish true communion. Real communion and intimacy require something of us.
Christ died on the cross to achieve communion with his Church.
And we’re afraid we might be uncomfortable or get our feelings hurt.
So what is your paper doll? Is it pornography? Social media? Netflix?
Whatever it is, understand that it is holding you back from what you think it gives you. Real intimacy is worth the sacrifice put into it. So step out of yourself and do something today that will cultivate something real. Hold your paper doll to the flame.
Paper Doll is a song written in 1915 by Johnny Black and recorded in 1942 by the Mills Brothers. Here are the first few lyrics:
I'm gonna buy a Paper Doll that I can call my own
A doll that other fellows cannot steal
And then the flirty, flirty guys with their flirty, flirty eyes
Will have to flirt with dollies that are real
When I come home at night she will be waiting
She'll be the truest doll in all this world
I'd rather have a Paper Doll to call my own
Than have a fickle-minded real live girl
We listened to a lot of records growing up and Dad had several Mills Brothers records, which were among my favorites. So I had heard Paper Doll hundreds of times before, but for some reason it struck me differently last night. Despite being written over 100 years ago (!), Paper Doll touches upon the heart of man and is extremely relevant today, expressing one of the main reasons that so many men today are ensnared by internet pornography.
When Paper Doll came on last night, I was suddenly reminded of something I read in Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. Eldredge says that a man’s heart was made for certain things and when he cannot find them properly, he will look for them in other, illicit places. He writes:
“Why is pornography the number one snare for men? He longs for the beauty, but without his fierce and passionate heart he cannot find her or win her or keep her. Though he is powerfully drawn to the woman, he does not know how to fight for her…and so he keeps his distance. And privately, secretly, he turns to the imitation. What makes pornography so addictive is that…it makes him feel like a man without ever requiring a thing of him”.
There it is. This is precisely what is happening in Paper Doll. The man has lost his girl, and many girls before. He doesn’t feel like a man and doesn’t know how to fight for his woman. He feels emasculated and rather than risk being hurt again, he resolves to turn to an imitation. Sure, he knows it’s not the real thing, but it is safe. There is no commitment, no emotional risk, and no chance of rejection. He knows that when he comes home it will be there for him, no questions asked.
He is taking the easy way out. The paper doll will never require anything of him and he knows he doesn’t have to challenge himself to be more of a man.
The paper doll and pornography both represent comfort, a deadly and destructive comfort that tricks us into thinking we can be men without putting any work into it.
That is where my mind immediately went when I heard the song last night. But in writing, I saw many more implications.
The “Paper Doll Complex” extends to many other areas of our lives.
Take social media for instance. You can create an instant profile online and become whoever you want to be. You can post about controversial topics without having to take responsibility, you can give any impression of yourself that you want, and you can have a million “relationships” without ever doing anything that is required of real life relationships. You can turn to imitation instead of putting in the effort to build a real, concrete social circle.
Again, the Paper Doll Complex is present in family life when everyone is off, doing their own thing and not actually doing what a family is supposed to do. The family is the domestic church. It represents the sacred, intimate bond between Christ and His bride, The Church. The family is called to live the same sacred communion. But again, it is much easier to watch a movie together than to initiate a heart to heart talk with a spouse, child, sibling or parent. Watching a movie with your family is an imitation of real communion because you are doing something all together, but it requires nothing of those involved.
It is a question of intimacy. The Paper Doll Complex is a coping mechanism and a cheap imitation of communion. We all desire intimate communion with others but often do not feel capable of what it takes to achieve it.
Pornography is bad and only destroys intimacy.
Watching television with your family is not bad, nor is social media. They can, in fact supplement, or even be a means to unity provided they do not replace or diminish true communion. Real communion and intimacy require something of us.
Christ died on the cross to achieve communion with his Church.
And we’re afraid we might be uncomfortable or get our feelings hurt.
So what is your paper doll? Is it pornography? Social media? Netflix?
Whatever it is, understand that it is holding you back from what you think it gives you. Real intimacy is worth the sacrifice put into it. So step out of yourself and do something today that will cultivate something real. Hold your paper doll to the flame.
Excellent post Matthew. This one speaks to me personally. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks man, I'm glad it spoke to you! God Bless
DeleteTruth spoken in charity. Thank you.
ReplyDelete