Choosing Eve
A cursory look at the book of Genesis will reveal that man is made for intimacy. This desire for intimacy drives man in most of what he does and when he is unable to find it, he tries to simulate it.
Read my post on pornography for a more detailed description of how pornography is the common imitation that many men turn to today to simulate intimacy. In this post, I reference John Eldredge, who says that man cannot win or keep his woman without his fierce and passionate heart. A man who lacks this masculine heart often turns to a cheap imitation, pornography, which falsely promises the intimacy you lack without risk or commitment. Likewise, there are many of us, not ensnared to this particular vice, who find other ways to simulate intimacy without risk or commitment.
But true intimacy does not exist without risk and commitment. The very act of creating man with free will was a tremendous risk on the part of God. But knowing what could and would happen did not deter Him from making sure true intimacy could eventually take place. God took a huge risk on us, maybe we should take a risk on Him.
When Eve ate the fruit in the Garden of Eden Adam had a choice. I don't know why he chose the way he did, and what it would have meant for him or us had he chosen differently. But I do know that on some level he was unwilling to take a risk on God and he chose Eve over God. Perhaps the thought of losing his helpmate, his own flesh and bone, was too painful and he could not see anything but solitude without her. Regardless, the choice was made and man is now predisposed to choosing Eve over God.
Let me be clear, Eve is beautiful and she should be pursued, cherished, and protected. But the intimacy between man and woman is meant to lead us into intimacy with God and when Eve takes priority we are using her to run away and hide from God. Eve is beautiful and she should be chosen for her own sake, for her beauty in reflection of the Image of God, not chosen out of fear of loneliness or insecurity.
For the modern man, choosing Eve over God is viewing pornography instead of facing reality and forming real relationships. Choosing Eve is persisting in a toxic dating relationship out of fear of solitude. Choosing Eve is trying to hide your lack of masculinity and confidence behind the femininity and beauty of your wife or girlfriend. Choosing Eve can be neglecting true discernment of a religious vocation, distracting yourself with delusions of perfect happiness with the ideal woman.
The list goes on.
These are all ways in which man grasps for the intimacy he so greatly desires, and that he was created for. But the intimacy man finds with Eve is a very specific and beautiful kind of intimacy that, at its very core, is defined by the complementarity of masculinity and femininity. Therefore, man cannot fully achieve this intimacy until he has reclaimed his masculinity and can pursue and offer to Eve his masculine heart.
Faithful reading of Genesis makes it clear that Adam was not complete, and could not truly find or know himself without the contrast and sameness he found in Eve. I do not intend to contradict, ignore, or minimize the importance of this. St. John Paul II writes;
When God put Adam in Eden He said; "It is not good for the man to be alone", and along came Eve. This is a beautiful narrative demonstrating the completion and fulfillment man finds in the complementarity of masculinity and femininity.
But while this is the most common and most important understanding of this passage, there is another meaning that sheds light on man's condition. St. John Paul II points out in his Theology of the Body that man is not referred to as 'male' until the creation of Eve. After Eve is created, Adam is called the male, in contrast with the female. Until then, Adam is representative of mankind as a whole. So man's solitude is not just in the absence of woman, but also in the absence of other men. Woman is a gift to man not only because of the nature of their unity, but also because it is only with her help that he can beget other men.
Man needs woman to combat solitude and achieve intimacy in these two aspects:
First, it is in the unity and complementarity of masculinity and femininity that man truly embodies himself as the image of God.
Second, it is only through woman that man is able to participate in creation and bring forth others in this same image.
The second aspect is the key to overcoming vice.
You are a man and you learn masculinity from men, not women. Yes, there are places in your heart that no man will be able to reach, but there are other places in your heart that only other men can heal.
When I was in seminary there were times when celibacy seemed an impossible vocation. I couldn't foresee myself living the rest of my life without a wife. It just seemed too lonely. But during these times, it was my brother seminarians who I needed to connect more with. Now that I have left seminary formation, whenever I get lonely, the desire for a girlfriend or wife is the very first thing that emerges in me. And this is natural. On a natural level, man cannot enjoy the company of men without the gift of woman. But a discernment must always be made regarding the nature of the desire.
While loneliness is characterized as a desire for deeper intimacy, it may be the intimacy from God or other men that you are lacking, rather than from Eve, even if the current manifestation of the desire seems to be for her.
Pursuing Eve is a beautiful thing. But in this pursuit you must be willing to be completely self giving. If you are not ready or able to put aside your own pleasures, whether licit pleasure or illicit, you are not ready to properly pursue any sort of romantic relationship. When you think you are able to love a woman the way Christ loved the Church, you are ready to pursue Eve. Choosing Eve comes after you have chosen God. Once you have chosen God, choosing Eve becomes yet another way to renew and make active that same choice every day.
Read my post on pornography for a more detailed description of how pornography is the common imitation that many men turn to today to simulate intimacy. In this post, I reference John Eldredge, who says that man cannot win or keep his woman without his fierce and passionate heart. A man who lacks this masculine heart often turns to a cheap imitation, pornography, which falsely promises the intimacy you lack without risk or commitment. Likewise, there are many of us, not ensnared to this particular vice, who find other ways to simulate intimacy without risk or commitment.
But true intimacy does not exist without risk and commitment. The very act of creating man with free will was a tremendous risk on the part of God. But knowing what could and would happen did not deter Him from making sure true intimacy could eventually take place. God took a huge risk on us, maybe we should take a risk on Him.
When Eve ate the fruit in the Garden of Eden Adam had a choice. I don't know why he chose the way he did, and what it would have meant for him or us had he chosen differently. But I do know that on some level he was unwilling to take a risk on God and he chose Eve over God. Perhaps the thought of losing his helpmate, his own flesh and bone, was too painful and he could not see anything but solitude without her. Regardless, the choice was made and man is now predisposed to choosing Eve over God.
Let me be clear, Eve is beautiful and she should be pursued, cherished, and protected. But the intimacy between man and woman is meant to lead us into intimacy with God and when Eve takes priority we are using her to run away and hide from God. Eve is beautiful and she should be chosen for her own sake, for her beauty in reflection of the Image of God, not chosen out of fear of loneliness or insecurity.
The list goes on.
These are all ways in which man grasps for the intimacy he so greatly desires, and that he was created for. But the intimacy man finds with Eve is a very specific and beautiful kind of intimacy that, at its very core, is defined by the complementarity of masculinity and femininity. Therefore, man cannot fully achieve this intimacy until he has reclaimed his masculinity and can pursue and offer to Eve his masculine heart.
Faithful reading of Genesis makes it clear that Adam was not complete, and could not truly find or know himself without the contrast and sameness he found in Eve. I do not intend to contradict, ignore, or minimize the importance of this. St. John Paul II writes;
"Femininity finds itself before masculinity, while masculinity confirms itself through femininity".So while Adam is confirmed in masculinity through Eve, it is more of a realization of who and what he is, rather than finding or becoming in Eve what he had not been before, what he did not already have within him.
When God put Adam in Eden He said; "It is not good for the man to be alone", and along came Eve. This is a beautiful narrative demonstrating the completion and fulfillment man finds in the complementarity of masculinity and femininity.
But while this is the most common and most important understanding of this passage, there is another meaning that sheds light on man's condition. St. John Paul II points out in his Theology of the Body that man is not referred to as 'male' until the creation of Eve. After Eve is created, Adam is called the male, in contrast with the female. Until then, Adam is representative of mankind as a whole. So man's solitude is not just in the absence of woman, but also in the absence of other men. Woman is a gift to man not only because of the nature of their unity, but also because it is only with her help that he can beget other men.
Man needs woman to combat solitude and achieve intimacy in these two aspects:
First, it is in the unity and complementarity of masculinity and femininity that man truly embodies himself as the image of God.
Second, it is only through woman that man is able to participate in creation and bring forth others in this same image.
The second aspect is the key to overcoming vice.
You are a man and you learn masculinity from men, not women. Yes, there are places in your heart that no man will be able to reach, but there are other places in your heart that only other men can heal.
When I was in seminary there were times when celibacy seemed an impossible vocation. I couldn't foresee myself living the rest of my life without a wife. It just seemed too lonely. But during these times, it was my brother seminarians who I needed to connect more with. Now that I have left seminary formation, whenever I get lonely, the desire for a girlfriend or wife is the very first thing that emerges in me. And this is natural. On a natural level, man cannot enjoy the company of men without the gift of woman. But a discernment must always be made regarding the nature of the desire.
While loneliness is characterized as a desire for deeper intimacy, it may be the intimacy from God or other men that you are lacking, rather than from Eve, even if the current manifestation of the desire seems to be for her.
Pursuing Eve is a beautiful thing. But in this pursuit you must be willing to be completely self giving. If you are not ready or able to put aside your own pleasures, whether licit pleasure or illicit, you are not ready to properly pursue any sort of romantic relationship. When you think you are able to love a woman the way Christ loved the Church, you are ready to pursue Eve. Choosing Eve comes after you have chosen God. Once you have chosen God, choosing Eve becomes yet another way to renew and make active that same choice every day.
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